Kartrashian My K-Trashian

Elusive actress Hayden Panettiere appears to make her triumphant return to the spotlight with the newly released fully nude photos above.

CelebJihad: Hi, Hayden thanks for taking the time out of your schedule of doing absolutely nothing to talk with us.

Hayden: Happy to do it. When do I get my $20?

CelebJihad: Soon enough, now settle down. You recently posed nude to show your support for Ukraine. How did that come about?

Hayden: Well I have a deep connection with the Ukraine and its people. My ex-husband is the famous Ukrainian heavyweight champion boxer Wladimir Klitschko, and he raises our daughter what’s her face over there. So what kind of a Mom would I be if I didn’t do something you know?

Hayden: How should I know? I’m sure she is fine. Last time I saw her she was tiny. Definitely a small target and difficult to hit. Honestly its my ex Wladimir I am worried about. He is a giant and out there fighting on the frontlines!

Hayden: What!?! Oh God no! But who’s going to raise my kid if he gets killed? I shudder at the thought!

CelebJihad: Very nice. Do you have any final words you would like to share with our readers?

Hayden: Yes I do. The Ukrainian people are strong and persistent and so they will prevail. Trust me I know firsthand. You should have seen Wladimir trying to fit it in the first time we banged…

Speaking of which, the devastation and destruction in Ukraine is nothing compared to the state my hoo-ha was in the next morning. I couldn’t even wear panties for a month, and still walk a little bow-legged to this day. But over time my coochie healed. So I want the people of Ukraine to all take a good long look at it, and use it as inspiration to know that there are better days ahead… Now where is that $20?”

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